If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize