Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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