Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I looked at my own cervix.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
