im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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