Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
