well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
