but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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