I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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