So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
