I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My vagina is officially offended.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
