Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
