I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
