Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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