Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
