Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
