He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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