New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize