I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
