It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
