dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
