Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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