I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize