I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
