It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
