so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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