loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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