I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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