my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
