I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
