More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
