First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
