I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
