Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
