i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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