Got a toothbrush?
You really coming over, don't trick.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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