Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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