Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
