i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
