Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is Oprah even human
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize