You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's official drugs can't kill me
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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