I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
