Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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