Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
