Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
