What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
