Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
