oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
