Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
