if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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