there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
