her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ambien. No doubt about it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
