Pants 0. Shit 1.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
