I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
