peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
