Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
