I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
