My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
