you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
