Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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